I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
