I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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