Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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