i would punch a child for taco bell
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
