so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
