Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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