the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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