Moan for me like Helen Keller
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
