I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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