She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
