my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
