I want to walk on stilts...naked
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
