I heard we made out
I feel great
I just peed on a car
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
