That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Hippo gnu deer
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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