I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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