Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
