I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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