get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I will pee on everything he values.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
