Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
