Umm I'm too high to move.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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