You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
