I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
