She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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