This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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