I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize