Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
