You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
