We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
