Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I believe in your delicious
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
