Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
