I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize