Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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