im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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