I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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