I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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