I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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