omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
