...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
