genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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