My room smells like vodka and shame
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
