just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
