SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
someone owes me an orgasm
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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