I wish my penis had an off switch
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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