oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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