What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
