dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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