Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
