so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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