Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
