and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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