im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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