Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
