I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
