Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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