Barsexuality is the new black.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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