I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize