i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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