Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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