these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
