Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
what is it with giant penises always finding me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
