omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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