I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
