I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
