This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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