i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
