Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
