You're completely useless in the revolution.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
